Fourth Weblog Entry

Today I went to work. In theory I am always working, whilst simultaneously never working. I am always procrastinating, whilst simultaneously always getting things done. When I need to focus my mind is asleep and when I try to sleep my mind races but there is no finish line.

I am somewhere in between. I am stuck. Somewhere in between security and freedom. I am trapped physically and ideologically, but sometimes I break the conceptual chains that have tied me down for so long, and I take the liberty of doing my things when I should be doing their things.

In a room filled with half-asleep children I checked the social media newsfeed.

In another room with procrastinating adolescents who pretended to work, I designed a series of shelves.

In another room with yelling children I wrote an album review.

In another room with procrastinating and yelling adolescents who tried to distract me with jokes and pictures, I continues to write an album review.

Multi-tasking is the illusion of getting two or more things done at once, when really you’re getting one thing done and pretending to do the other thing or things.

There couldn’t possibly be time to do all the things I do. The compartments of my life overlap.

When I should be working, I am daydreaming or designing projects or writing or arranging social gatherings. When I should be sleeping I am reading or writing or zoning out. When I should be in one location I am in another.

Everything is fractured and sticky-taped back together and nothing is quite how it should be, and many things are completed to a high standard while others are left to flail unsatisfactorily.

For years I’ve been doing too much, and sometimes I’ll take a break from all that for a week or two but I always some back to doing too much. Sometimes I wish I didn’t do so many things, and other times I wish I did more things. I want to do everything. I wonder what I would do if I didn’t work so much. What would I do with all the spare time? What do people who work regular 8 hours days do with all their spare time?

I do not know.